i need the work

sometimes tika ask me why am i doing this marathon study thingy

i find myself giving some vague answer

truth is

i need the work

there is this thing i always think about

so in order to silence that active thought i need intensive mental work

so i do study marathons

its actually very helpful, so whenever there's lotsa assgignment and tests, i actually feel relieve

cz i found a way to not think about them

for a while

this so-call solution is temporary

so as soon as i'm free, or someone said something relating to 'it', they will trigger it and start again

then i have to keep myself busy again

all in all

i find work a pretty good solution to counteract 'it'