my first crush went a little like this...

i was reading back my old yellow diary that day

and i found THIS!!

so i decided to share with you guys

after such a long time, you don't find these things embarrassment to admit anymore

in fact, i thought it would make a rather good post for my blog

okay, here it goes, i'm sharing EXACTLY what i've written in my diary on the 

31st of Dec 2008

age : 17

its adress to a guys, lets call him X 

here it goes..........

        I still like X, i really do, i dunno why, i always said i like the other guy, but in reality, underneath all those pretenses, it has ALWAYS been X ONLY. But like what my friends, say he is merely a nice guy who is nice to everyone, so i guess he's nice to me not for any 'special' reasons, that's just who he is. Sometimes, i tend to forget him when i've little crushes on other ppl, but i will always like and have the most major crush on him no matter what, i just CAN'T HELP IT, i didn't even know why i like him in the first place, i tries finding ways to not like him, but i CAN'T!!


       I know I'm wasting my bloody time, but everytime i try to push this crazy feeling away, when i see him, my will crumbles. I know I can never have him, and knowing this is what makes it hurts the most. Whenever I see X with other girls, i feel so INSANELY JEALOUS!! God, this is like SO WRONG, I know it, but I can't help it.


         I always act as if I don't care, I love to make fun of him, but the ugly truth him, i like him, and for the millionth time, i would say, I can't help it! I guess i have really thick skin, i guess i just can't bear to be the first one to initiate it, that would be so wrong.I would never tell anyone i like them, call me stupid, but i really hate the idea of girls telling guys they like them, its total rubbish to me. Yea, that's a little sexist, but still....


        I guess the closest I'll ever get to admitting I like X, is by writing in this diary, yea i know thats like PATHETIC, but i'll leave the rest of the story for X to finish. If nothing ever happens, (which might be a high possibility), I guess i'll just leave it as it is. Well i guess i'll rather stay bf-less than to be embarrass, it would probably take a crazy lot of effort finding someone that's compatible with you, and i guess like X is just hormones that i'll get over with someday.

~ THE END~

so that was a little review of the feelings i had in 2008

i can say, after 2 yrs, it seems like that incident happen a 1000 years ago

i don't really think much of X after that, if you really are 'kepo' to know who X is, i beg you not to ask me, but if u 12 know what happen after that, feel free to ask

haha

=D